Being hooked in an unhealthy relationship can be daunting and pose a threat to your physical and emotional health. A lot of people have found themselves in relationships where they find it hard to be themselves and be loved or cared for.
While some people have sweet and romantic love you admire/envy, you might find yourself in one you aren’t even proud to tell the world about. When you find yourself in a toxic relationship (hurting you more than you feel loved), then you have to think twice before going deeper.
In every relationship you are in, you need to check out for signs of toxicity and unhealthiness. In this article, we’ll discuss 31 signs of a relationship with unhealthy behavior or unhealthy relationship warning signs, that you should be aware of to help you recognize them and address any red flags in your relationship.
Let’s get started!
Article Contents
What Are Unhealthy Relationships?
Unhealthy relationships are those that involve unhealthy behaviors or that harm the individuals in the relationship, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally. These relationships are characterized by control, manipulation, abuse, and neglect.
What Are the Signs of Unhealthy Relationships?
There are many signs of an unhealthy or toxic relationship, and they can vary depending on the individuals involved in toxic relationships and the specific dynamics of the relationship.
However, here are 31 common signs of an unhealthy relationship that you should be aware of:
1. Constant criticism or belittling
2. Lack of trust and honesty
3. Controlling behavior
4. Intense jealousy or possessiveness or jealousy
5. Blaming and scapegoating
6. Verbal or other physical or sexual violence, or abuse
7. Refusal to communicate or resolve conflicts
8. Isolation from family members and friends
9. Lack of support or encouragement
10. Gaslighting or manipulation
11. Disrespectful behavior towards your feelings or boundaries
12. Extreme mood swings or emotional instability
13. Withholding affection or love as punishment
14. Power struggles and competition
15. Guilt-tripping or emotional abuse. blackmail
16. Disregard your opinions or values
17. Inability to compromise or negotiate
18. Lack of empathy or understanding
19. Making you feel guilty for spending time away from them
20. Refusal to take responsibility for their actions
21. Pressuring you into sex or sexual acts
22. Using money as a means of control or manipulation
23. Chronic lying or deceitfulness
24. Ignoring your needs or feelings
25. Being overly possessive of your time or attention
26. Physical violence or threats of violence
27. Refusing to acknowledge your accomplishments or successes
28. Avoidance of personal responsibility or accountability
29. Sabotaging your relationships with your self esteem-worth and others
30. Making you feel responsible for their happiness
31. Disregard your physical or emotional well-being.
Those are 31 signs you should start to consider, I’ll tell you what I mean by each one and share my personal experience at the end. Stick around till the last word.
Constant Criticism or Belittling
Constant criticism or belittling is one of the most common signs of an unhealthy relationship. Belittling causes low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, and lack of self-confidence. If your partner finds it hard to praise you for the great things you’ve achieved, then you have to watch out.
Any relationship that criticizes you and keeps making you feel like a nobody is not worth giving your all. If you find this act in your partner, you need to make wise decisions so you don’t regret it later in life.
Lack of Trust and Honesty
A healthy and long-lasting relationship is built on trust. Trust and honesty keep the vehicle of your relationship moving in the face of challenging situations. Lack of trust in a relationship leads to a feeling of insecurity, doubt, and frequent arguments.
Lack of trust manifests in diverse ways, such as your partner questioning your actions, checking your phones behind you, or accusing you of cheating without evidence to back up their claims.
When a relationship continues in this form of dishonesty and distrust, you’ll eventually find it hard to share your true feelings with your partner and this can reduce the love between you both.
Controlling Behaviors
Controlling behavior means your partner is exerting force over you or coercing you to do things you don’t want to do. This is an extremely dangerous sign as you won’t have the freedom to do things your way or make contributions in the relationship.
Additionally, when your partner exhibits this behavior, you are likely to have limited access to your family and friends as he/she dictates the time you go out or come in, who you meet, and where you meet them.
To crown it all, you won’t be bold enough to say you’re no longer interested in the relationship. This can eventually lead to isolation and loss of your true self.
Intense Jealousy or Possessiveness
It’s normal for your partner to feel jealous at some point in the relationship, but when it’s becoming unbearable, you need to prevent it. Intense jealousy leads to obsession and can result in distrust that could damage the relationship.
It’s important to address the issue of intense jealousy and possessiveness in your relationship before it escalates and you won’t be able to cope any longer.
If you notice the jealousy is turning into emotional or physical abuse, you should reach out for help from a therapist to help address the issue.
Blaming and Scapegoating
Exactly, blaming and scapegoating can cause a lot of emotional damage to hurt the person being targeted. It can lead to a sense of hopelessness and depression, as they may feel like they can never do anything right or make their partner happy. It can also create a cycle of abuse, where the person being blamed tries harder and harder to please their partner, only to be met with more criticism and blame.
In healthy relationships, partners take responsibility for their actions and work together to solve problems. They communicate openly and honestly, and they avoid placing blame or scapegoating. Instead, they focus on finding solutions, problem-solving, and supporting each other, even in difficult times.
Verbal or Physical Abuse
This is a serious sign of an unhealthy relationship that you should never condone. Physical abuse can be in the form of beating, choking, kicking, slapping, etc while verbal abuse can be insults, humiliation, or even silent treatment.
In an abusive relationship, you feel rejected, unloved, and fearful. It can lead to emotional trauma, physical injuries, and even death.
It’s sometimes hard to break free from abusive relationships, so you should seek professional help to help you navigate through this toxic relationship.
Refusal to Communicate or Resolve Conflicts
When your partner finds it hard to communicate with you, especially after an argument, it’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
A healthy relationship creates an environment for conflict resolution and avoids any form of resentment towards each other. If you find yourself withdrawing from your partner whenever an argument arises, you’re in a toxic relationship.
Don’t forget you have the right to be heard and share an emotional connection with your partner even when issues arise.
Isolation from Family and Friends
Isolation from family and friends is a significant sign of an unhealthy relationship, where one partner may try to control or limit the partner’s social interactions and relationships. This can be very damaging to the partner in the relationship, leading to loneliness, dependence, and isolation.
In an unhealthy relationship, one partner may try to limit or control the other person’s social interactions, making it difficult for them to spend quality time with friends or family members. They may discourage or forbid the partner from going out or participating in social activities, making them feel trapped or unable to make their own choices. This can lead to loneliness and isolation, as the partner may feel cut off from their support system and unable to connect with others.
Isolation can also be used as a tool for control and manipulation in the relationship. For example, the abusive partner may try to limit the other person’s access to information or resources, making it difficult for them to leave the abusive relationship, or seek help. This can be especially damaging if the partner is financially dependent on their partner or has limited social support.
Lack of Support or Encouragement
Both partners are meant to support and encourage each other always. If your partner can’t provide you with the support and encouragement you need, you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
A healthy relationship is supposed to encourage you through thick and thin, helping you to stay focused and relentless toward achieving your goals.
An unhealthy relationship with a lack of support or encouragement makes you feel unsupported or unimportant. It could also lead to a sense of imbalance making it difficult for you to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Gaslighting or Manipulation
Gaslighting or manipulation is a significant sign of an unhealthy relationship, where one partner may use manipulative tactics to control or undermine the other person’s perception of reality. This abuse can create a sense of confusion and self-doubt, making it difficult for the other person to trust their thoughts and feelings.
In an unhealthy relationship, one partner may use gaslighting or manipulation as a tool for control or domination. They may use tactics such as denying or minimizing the other person’s experiences, using guilt or shame to make them feel responsible for the relationship problems, or blaming them for things that are not their fault. This can create a sense of confusion and self-doubt in the other person, making it difficult for them to trust their own perceptions of reality.
Gaslighting can also be used to make the other person feel like they are “crazy” or unstable, leading them to question their own mental health or ability to function in the world. This can be especially damaging if the other person has a history of a mental health illness or emotional instability, as it can exacerbate their symptoms and make it difficult for them to seek help.
Disrespectful Behavior towards Your Feelings or Boundaries
Disrespectful behavior towards your feelings or boundaries is a significant sign of an unhealthy relationship, where one partner may fail to show consideration or respect for the other person’s feelings or boundaries. This can create a sense of frustration, resentment, and invalidation, making it difficult for the other person to feel heard or valued.
In an unhealthy relationship, one partner may engage in behaviors that show a lack of respect for the other person’s emotions or boundaries. They may belittle or dismiss the other person’s feelings, invalidate their experiences, or fail to take their concerns seriously. This can create a sense of frustration and resentment in the other person, as they may feel like their emotions or needs are not being valued or acknowledged.
Additionally, disrespectful behavior towards your boundaries can be a significant red flag in a relationship. If your partner consistently fails to respect your boundaries or engages in unhealthy or controlling behaviors that violate your personal space or autonomy, this can create a sense of discomfort or even fear in the relationship. This can lead to insecurity and anxiety, making it difficult to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Extreme Mood Swings or Emotional Instability
Extreme mood swings or emotional instability in a relationship can be a significant sign of an unhealthy dynamic. One partner may experience intense fluctuations in mood, such as sudden outbursts of anger, sadness, or anxiety, which can be unpredictable and difficult to manage.
This can create a sense of instability and tension in the relationship, making it difficult to maintain a good and supportive dynamic. It’s important to address any extreme mood swings or emotional instability in a relationship through open communication, support, and seeking professional help if necessary.
Withholding Affection or Love as Punishment
Withholding affection or love as a form of punishment can be a significant sign of an unhealthy relationship. One partner may use affection or love as a tool for control or manipulation, and withdraw these expressions of emotion as a way to punish the other person for perceived wrongdoings or mistakes.
This can create a sense of emotional distance and isolation, leading to rejection and insecurity in the relationship. It’s important to recognize this behavior and address it through open communication and setting healthy boundaries. Healthy relationships are built on respect for each other and support, with both partners feeling valued and loved regardless of any disagreements or conflicts.
Power Struggles and Competition
Power struggles and competition can be a significant red flag of an unhealthy relationship. In this type of dynamic, partners may constantly compete with each other or seek to assert their power and dominance over the partner. This can create a sense of tension and hostility, making it difficult to maintain a good and supportive relationship.
Good relationships are built on collaboration, compromise good communication, and mutual support, where both partners work together towards common goals and respect each other’s needs and boundaries. It’s important to address any power struggles or competition in a relationship and work positively, through open communication, empathy, and setting good boundaries.
Guilt-tripping or Emotional Blackmail
Guilt-tripping and emotional abuse or blackmail are significant signs of an unhealthy relationship, where one partner may use emotional manipulation to control or influence the other person’s actions. This can involve using guilt or shame to make the partner feel responsible for the partner’s emotions or threatening to withhold affection or love if the partner doesn’t comply with their demands.
This type of activity can create a sense of fear and obligation in the partner, leading to anxiety and stress in the relationship. It’s important to recognize and address any guilt-tripping or other emotional abuse or blackmail in a relationship through setting healthy boundaries, communication, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor if necessary. Enviable relationships are built on respect, empathy, and open communication, where both partners feel safe and supported to express their needs and emotions.
Disregard Your Opinions or Values
Disregarding opinions or values can be a significant sign of an unhealthy relationship, where one partner may dismiss or ignore the other person’s thoughts, or beliefs. This can create a sense of invalidation and disrespect, leading to frustration, resentment, and disconnection in the relationship.
Good relationships are built on mutual respect, empathy, and open communication, where both partners feel valued and heard. It’s important to recognize and address any disregard for opinion or values in a relationship through setting healthy boundaries, active listening, and seeking to understand the other person’s perspective. Both partners should feel free to express their opinions and values without fear of judgment, hurt, or rejection.
Inability to Compromise or Negotiate
The inability to compromise and negotiate can be a significant sign of an unhealthy relationship, where partners may struggle to find common ground and work through disagreements. This can create a sense of frustration and tension in the relationship, leading to resentment and disconnection.
Amazing relationships are built on collaboration, compromise, and mutual support, where both partners work together towards common goals and respect each other’s needs and boundaries. It’s important to address any inability to compromise and negotiate in a relationship through open communication, empathy, and setting healthy boundaries. Both partners should feel safe, secure, and empowered to express their needs and work together to find solutions that work for everyone.
Lack of Empathy or Understanding
A lack of empathy or understanding can be a significant sign of an unhealthy relationship, where partners may struggle to connect emotionally and support each other through challenges. This can create a sense of disconnection and isolation, leading to loneliness and frustration in the relationship. If you lack empathy for your partner, are you still in love?
The best relationships are built on mutual empathy, understanding, and emotional support, where both partners feel secure, safe, and comfortable expressing their emotional needs. It’s important to address any lack of empathy or understanding in a relationship through active listening, validation, and seeking to understand the other person’s perspective. Both partners should feel safe, and feel secure enough, heard, and supported in the relationship, and work together to build a stronger, more connected bond.
Making You Feel Guilty for Spending Time Away from Them
If your partner makes you feel guilty for spending time away from them, it can be a significant sign of an unhealthy relationship. This is often a form of manipulation and control, where they use guilt to make you feel responsible for your well-being. It can create a sense of obligation and anxiety, leading to stress and disconnection in the relationship.
Good relationships are built on trust, mutual respect, and independence, where both partners support each other’s interests and personal growth. It’s important to address any guilt-tripping or manipulation in a relationship by setting boundaries and good communication beforehand. Both partners should feel free to pursue their interests and spend time apart without fear of judgment or punishment
Refusal to Take Responsibility for Their Actions
Refusal to take responsibility for their actions can be a significant sign of an unhealthy relationship, and an indication of a crappy person altogether. Being an adult already places a lot of responsibilities on us all individually and having to deal with someone else’s refusal to take responsibility can make life a living hell.
Good relationships are built on accountability, and ownership, where both partners take responsibility for their actions and work towards solutions together. It’s important to address any refusal to take responsibility in a relationship through open communication, setting boundaries, and seeking professional support if necessary. Both partners should feel empowered to acknowledge their mistakes and work towards positive change, fostering a stronger, more trusting relationship.
Pressuring You into Sex or Sexual Acts
Pressuring someone into sex or sexual acts is another serious sign of an unhealthy relationship. It can take many forms, from subtle manipulation to overt coercion, and is always unacceptable. This behavior can make the other person feel uncomfortable or unsafe, leading to anxiety, fear, and shame. It can also damage the trust and the emotional intimacy between partners, leading to a breakdown in communication and emotional connection.
It is important for both partners in a relationship to respect each other’s boundaries and to engage in sexual activity only when it is freely and enthusiastically consented to by both parties. If someone feels pressured or coerced into sexual activity, they should seek help and support to leave the unhealthy relationship behind.
Using Money as a Means of Control or Manipulation
Using money as a means of control or manipulation is a sign of an unhealthy or abusive relationship. In such relationships, one partner may use the money to gain power and control over the other person. This can take many forms, including withholding money, refusing to provide financial support, or controlling all financial decisions.
The partner using money as a means of control or manipulation may also use the money to manipulate the other person’s behavior, such as by offering money in exchange for compliance or threatening to withdraw financial support if the other person does not comply. This behavior can lead to powerlessness, dependence, and resentment in the other person. It can also make it difficult for them to leave the relationship, as they may feel financially trapped or unable to support themselves without their partner’s assistance.
Chronic Lying or Deceitfulness
Chronic lying or deceitfulness is a significant sign of an unhealthy relationship, where one partner may consistently deceive the other for personal gain or to avoid conflict. This behavior can be damaging to the other person in the relationship, leading to mistrust, frustration, and betrayal.
In an unhealthy relationship, chronic lying or deceitfulness can manifest in several ways. For example, one partner may lie about their whereabouts, their finances, or their past, leading the other person to question the truthfulness of everything their partner says or does. The lying partner may also manipulate the other person’s emotions or actions through dishonesty, making it difficult for the other person to maintain their autonomy and independence in the relationship.
Ignoring Your Needs or Feelings
Ignoring someone’s needs is another serious sign of an unhealthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel valued and heard, but in an unhealthy relationship, one partner may disregard or dismiss the other person’s needs or emotions. This can lead to frustration, hurt, and resentment.
Ignoring someone’s needs can manifest in several ways, such as not listening when the other person talks, not showing interest in them or their activities, or not providing emotional support when needed. It can also involve neglecting their physical needs, such as not helping when they are sick or not showing concern for their wellbeing. In an unhealthy relationship, the person whose needs are being ignored may feel like they are unimportant or not valued, leading to a breakdown of trust and intimacy.
Being Overly Possessive of Your Time or Attention
Being overly possessive of your time or attention is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. It can manifest in several ways, such as the partner wanting to know your whereabouts all the time or expecting constant contact through texts or calls. They may also try to isolate you from friends and family or become jealous and angry when you spend time with others.
This behavior can be harmful to the other person in the relationship, as it can lead to feeling suffocated, frustrated, and even resentful. It can also make it difficult for them to maintain fulfilling relationships with friends and family, and may even lead to a sense of dependency on the controlling partner. In extreme cases, this behavior can escalate to stalking or other forms of emotional or physical abuse.
Physical Violence or Threats of Violence
Physical violence or the threat of violence is a serious sign of an unhealthy relationship. It can include hitting, slapping, punching, choking, or any other physical act that causes harm or injury to the other person.
The abusive partner may use violence to control, intimidate, or hurt the other person, leaving them feeling frightened and unsafe. It can lead to physical injuries, emotional trauma, and even death. It is important to seek help immediately if you or someone you know is experiencing serious physical or emotional abuse, or sexual violence in a relationship.
Refusing to Acknowledge your Accomplishments or Successes
A partner who refuses to acknowledge your accomplishments or successes is displaying behavior that can be damaging to your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. They may belittle or dismiss your achievements, making you feel like your efforts are not important or worthy of recognition. This behavior can also be a form of emotional abuse, as it can cause you to feel bad, doubt your abilities, and question your worth and your value as a person.
Over time, this behavior can erode your self-confidence and lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. You may feel like you are not good enough, no matter how hard you try or how much you achieve. This can make it difficult to pursue your goals and dreams, as you may not believe that you are capable of success. In a healthy relationship, both partners should support and celebrate each other’s accomplishments and successes no matter how little they are
Avoidance of Personal Responsibility or Accountability
Avoidance of personal responsibility or accountability is a behavior where a person refuses to take ownership of their actions or decisions. In an unhealthy relationship, this can manifest in several ways, such as one partner blaming the other for their problems, making excuses for their behavior, or denying their role in a situation. This behavior can be damaging to the other person, as it can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment, as well as a breakdown of trust and poor communication. It can also make it difficult for the couple to resolve conflicts and work through problems together.
In an unhealthy relationship, a partner who avoids personal responsibility or accountability may also deflect criticism or feedback, refusing to listen to or consider the other person’s perspective. This can create a power imbalance in the relationship, where one partner holds more control or influence over the other. It can also contribute to a toxic dynamic where the other person is always expected to give in or compromise, while the avoidant partner does not have to take any responsibility for their actions or decisions.
Sabotaging Your Relationships with Others
“Sabotaging relationships” refers to a pattern of behavior where one partner tries to damage the other person’s relationships with family, friends, or coworkers. This can take many forms, from making negative comments about these relationships to actively trying to break up such relationships or keep the other person isolated. It can be a sign of an unhealthy or abusive relationship and can have negative consequences for the other person, including feelings of isolation and loss of a support network.
Making You Feel Responsible for Their Happiness
Making you responsible for their happiness is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. This healthy and unhealthy relationship behavior can lead to feelings of guilt, obligation, and anxiety, and it can make it difficult to maintain healthy boundaries in the relationship.
Disregard Your Physical or Emotional Well-being
In an unhealthy relationship, one partner may disregard the physical or emotional well-being of the other. This can take many forms, such as neglecting the other person’s health, withholding medical attention or support, or failing to provide emotional support during times of need. This behavior can have serious consequences, causing the other person to feel neglected, unsupported, or even endangered. Over time, this can lead to physical and emotional or mental health, problems, as well as a breakdown in trust and poor communication, within the relationship. In a healthy relationship, both partners should prioritize each other’s well-being and work together to maintain physical and emotional or mental health together.
What To Do About Unhealthy Relationships
Generally, I think it’s best to work on things well enough before giving up on them. Dealing with the regret of losing something precious because you were not patient or willing to make it work can be something hard to deal with as well, so I always say work on it and let pulling the straw be the last and inevitable option.
Here are some steps you can take if you feel worse and are in an unhealthy relationship:
- Recognize the signs: Acknowledge that your relationship is unhealthy and understand the signs of an unhealthy relationship. This will help you determine what you need to do to improve the situation.
- Communicate: Talk to your partner about the issues affecting your relationship. This can help to resolve conflicts and improve communication.
- Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support. It’s important to have a support system to help you through this difficult time.
- Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your partner and communicate them. Stick to these boundaries and do not let your partner violate them.
- Take action: If your partner is unwilling to change or if the relationship is causing you harm, it may be time to end the relationship. Take action to protect yourself and prioritize your well-being.
Wrapping Up
In conclusion, recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship is the first step toward healing and creating amazing relationships. The 31 key signs we’ve discussed in this article are not exhaustive but serve as a guide to identifying behaviors that are toxic and detrimental to one’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
If you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, seeking professional help, setting boundaries, and making difficult decisions such as ending the relationship may be necessary for your healing and growth.
Remember that everyone deserves to be in a safe and healthy relationship, and taking steps toward that is a powerful act of self-care.
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